Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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