5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
