Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize