he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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