You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
