toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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