Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
