Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
