I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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