you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
