May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
