So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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