I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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