can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
