i think my mom watched the whole time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
