I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
