Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
