You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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