i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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