You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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