He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
