I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
