Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
