It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
