I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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