We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
