i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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