his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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