im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
