I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
