can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
