i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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