she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
