You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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