I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
