My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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