On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
