Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
