Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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