11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
