i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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