You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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