Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
