You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
