Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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