i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
