why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
