Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize