Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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