bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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