I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
