She is in my trunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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