I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
