I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
