She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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