i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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