he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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