I am in a vortex of obligation.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
