Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
