sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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