dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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