It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
