how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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