u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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