One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize