Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
