I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
