Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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