$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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